The Big Picture
by VisualExperiments
Summary: ' People like to believe that before they die, all of life's mysteries will be revealed to them. Everything will be understood and forgiven. But I know that death only brings more questions without the time to discover the answers. '


Kano: To make up for the evil fluffiness of ' I Hate ' I now bring you a lovely story about a cockroach. No, I'am joking. Just read the story.  
  
Reference: Akuma - Fallen angel, demon, etc.  
  
- The Big Picture -  
  
My mouth tastes like cotton when I wake up.  
  
I once read a book, one of the very few that I could find at the library that had been translated into English.  
  
There was one phrase in particular that I remember even now, just that one phrase out of hundreds of pages; Those few words out of thousands.  
  
' The trick to forgetting the big picture is to look at everything close up. '  
  
Pay attention to the little details in life.  
  
And so that is why, when I wake up in the morning, my first thought is that my mouth tastes like cotton. I ignore the blood staining the white sheets a dull sort of pink, the bruises that send small electrical jolts of pain up and down my arms and legs and chest and - everywhere. It hurts almost everywhere.  
  
I ignore all of that because those details bring me too close to the bigger picture.  
  
He's sitting there on the edge of the bed, simply watching me. From the corner of my eye I can only see his hand pressed against the sheets, an arm that is connected to a shoulder that is connected to..things that aren't in my line of vision.  
  
I wonder why he isn't laughing? Pain, especially mine, has always made him happy.  
  
Made me happy.  
  
Made us happy.  
  
We are the same person, two halves of the same soul, although he is loath to admit having any connection to me at all.  
  
// Ryou. //  
  
Except maybe that connection.  
  
I let my eyes slide open. I can't remember having closed them, how long they've been closed, but now the hand that connects to the arm that connects to the shoulder is a little bit closer to me.  
  
I can see the bed through his skin, like gauzy silk; Everything just passes right through it.  
  
// .Bakura? //  
  
Such familiarity from you now, Akuma?  
  
I don't say that, but I know he hears it anyway.  
  
Yes, I whisper - I have to because there is a white plastic tube traveling down my throat - have you come to see the fireworks before the lights go out?  
  
He doesn't say anything. His skin, his fake body, becomes a little more visible, and I can feel my heart slow as a little more energy is drained from me into him. The heart monitor's beeps come at longer intervals.  
  
// Then you know you're dying. //  
  
He said this with..resignation. Relief. Now it was no longer his responsibility to break the news to me.  
  
I would think the fact that Yugi and Anzu are out in the hallway consoling each other would be clue enough. Which one of them sent you here?  
  
I don't have the strength to say this out loud. I have to trust in the fact that the Spirit is still mindful enough to listen to my thoughts.  
  
// Neither of those two pathetic fools. His High and Mighty-ness said that if I didn't come in and speak with you, when I was..gone he would melt the Sennen Ring and use the remains to make a little game for Yugi. I have a feeling he is going to do that regardless. Stupid stuck-up bastard. //  
  
Even in my head his raspy voice is without humor. Even though I am dying and will soon be lost to him, he refuses to reveal even a small part of himself to me.  
  
And though I myself do not like to admit it, this is the most he has ever spoken to me in all the time that I have known him. He holds no great love for me, nor I for him, and yet I wish that I could hear him laugh- even just once. Just to know that he is happy, no matter the circumstances or sacrifices on my part.  
  
I let my eyes slide open. I can't remember having closed them, how long they've been closed, but now the Spirit is no longer there. Instead I see Yugi and Katsuya crowded close to the no longer bloodstained hospital bed. Somewhere just out of my sight, Yami no Yugi and Hiroto stand nearby. Both of them are more concerned with the state and health of the two boys that hover so near to me, but I understand that it is only because they have accepted that there is nothing they can do for me.  
  
Their silence hides many things; I have always known that.  
  
The beeping from all of the monitors around me is coming much more slowly now. Someone has removed the tubes that threaded through my nostrils and mouth and down into my lungs. My throat still burns.  
  
" Hello..hello Yugi. Jounouchi. "  
  
The two nod, masking their anxiety with watery smiles. It is obvious that Yugi has been crying, though perhaps it is only that Katsuya is better at masking his sadness then others. Even now I can hear Anzu somewhere in the background, trying to calm herself long enough to approach me.  
  
When you know your life has come to an end, everything is muted and brighter and looks all the better for it.  
  
The small smile I've managed fades, and I struggle to speak again.  
  
" Y-Yugi..about the Ring.. "  
  
Yugi nods, bending closer so I don't have to speak so loudly.  
  
" Don't abandon him. Please. "  
  
Yugi chews at his bottom lip, his expression one of divided concentration. I have seen this expression before, and perhaps even my own face has mirrored that distant gaze a few times. Yugi is speaking with his Other. Eventually the conversation is broken off and - almost hesitantly - Yugi agrees.  
  
I mouth the word Thankyou. Yami no Yugi, maybe seeing how tired I am, quickly ushers everyone out of the room, though Anzu, finally a little better composed, remains long enough to tell me that she is sorry. She says she will miss me. Yami no Yugi tells her that she has nothing to be sorry about, and then they leave and the only noise in the room is that of the machines.  
  
They act like I'am already dead.  
  
I know Yugi will miss me, and Anzu, but my absence will have little effect on the group as a whole. I was never as outspoken as Katsuya, as helpful as Anzu, and I lack any real connections to any of them, unlike Hiroto, who has been Katsuya's friend for years. I was the odd man out.  
  
Will the Spirit of the Ring miss me?  
  
I let my eyes slide open. I can't remember having closed them, but I can't bring myself to care. I know that the next time I fall asleep I won't ever wake up.  
  
I suppose, in retrospect, it isn't a bad way to die. I could be buried alive, burn to death in a fire, drown in the ocean.  
  
I hear spontaneous combustion is surprisingly painful.  
  
I know that Yugi will keep his promise. He won't allow Yami no Yugi to destroy the Ring, nor will it simply be cast into a dusty box and abandoned. I wouldn't want that for anyone, not even the cruelest part of myself.  
  
Akuma..Akuma..Akuma..  
  
And then his voice echoes inside my head.  
  
// If you're going to die, just do it already. I don't need that idiotic nickname you gave me bouncing around in my head. ..I don't need you haunting me. //  
  
Will you miss me Akuma? I whisper these words into the empty room. Do you care that I'am scared?  
  
There is a pause, an emptiness so barren and silent that I can almost hear the blood that is slowly spilling into my lungs; inoperable internal bleeding. That was how I was going to die, and I was going to do it here, alone, with my Father on a plane somewhere trying to get back to Japan before - but I know it won't be soon enough.  
  
// You're not alone. I might not need you, but you do need me. Now go to sleep. I'll.I'll talk to you tomorrow. Everything will be better for you tomorrow. //  
  
This is his strange way of saying goodbye.  
  
I smile into the sterile early-evening moonlight, and I tell him that I will miss him too.  
  
In the afterlife there are no big pictures. 


End file.
